Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard

I was perusing books on the Tyndale Publishing site when I found this one.  There were Reader Reward points burning a hole in my pocket and Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard caught my eye.  I vaguely remembered the scandal: mega preacher caught in homosexual, drug fueled affair.  Or something like that.

So why did his wife stay with him?  What did she go through and what could she teach us?

Like a lot of people, when I hear that a spiritual leader has "fallen" I dismiss them.  They must have turned their back on their faith.  How else could they have screwed up so badly?  And for some of them that is probably true.  But what I forget when passing those judgments is that people are weak.  People are...human.

Gayle doesn't go into much detail about what Ted actually did and that's not really the point of this book anyway.  She stresses that she knows the full truth and that the stories in the press were exaggerated.

This book and the Haggards' experiences were really eye opening for me.  If the events are true, and I do tend to believe Gayle's representation of what they went through, then this is the story of a church's failure.

Christianity is about love and forgiveness.  And despite the fact that Ted was evidently repentant, apologetic, and willing to make amends as much as possible, the church he founded turned him out.  Not the congregation, necessarily, but definitely the church leadership and their council of "Restorers".  The Restorers were well respected men from various churches who were supposed to guide the Haggards during a time of prayer, therapy, and reflection.  The ultimate goal was to "restore" them to the church.  But there was never any progress.  Ted and Gayle were directed to avoid all contact with their friends from church and had their every move and even their counseling sessions monitored by the Restorers.

New Life Church, their home for so many years, was not accessible to them anymore.  They were even forced to move out of state for a time.  All these stipulations were laid out in contracts they had to sign if they were to have any hope of being allowed back at the church, even just as congregants.

I don't know anything about Gayle other than what I read in this book, but she seems like a very kind woman who went through a terrible experience.  She has survived and found a new strength in her improved marriage and tight knit family.  Her story is heartbreaking at times but her depth of faith and love is impressive.  She (with the help of Angela Hunt) tells her story without pulling any punches regarding the hurt and disappointment experienced at the hands of the former friends who were so heartless or simply unresponsive during the scandal and the aftermath.  But she never once comes across as bitter or judgmental.

Why she stayed is clear early on and the bulk of the book is really the story of what they experienced as a couple during the years following Ted privately renouncing his path of sin and the scandal becoming public.

If you're curious, she stayed because
1) she loves her husband
2) Christianity requires us to forgive those who hurt us and try to help those who are struggling
3) and most importantly, her husband did everything he could to prove to her she could trust him again including apologies, repentance, providing any details she asked for, and attending hours of counseling and therapy to mend their relationship and help him understand why he found himself making such hurtful choices that went against the life he'd chosen.

Not everyone would agree with Gayle's decision to stay but hearing how she navigated the crisis and the myriad experiences she had with family, friends, and complete strangers who retreated or approached her with support during that time is terribly interesting and ultimately uplifting.

Unplanned

I just made one of my rare visits to Twitter (where you should follow @JustNotMyTypee) and came across a tweet from Tyndale House Publishers about a free ebook. I have enjoyed many books from them in the past, so I clicked on the link to check it out. But what caught my attention as soon as I reached the site was a different book.

Staring out at me from the cover of a book called Unplanned was Abby Johnson. I'm not sure if it was the title of the book or her face that drew me in first. She just looks nice and she looks like she has a story to tell.

It turns out Abby used to be the director of a Planned Parenthood clinic until she personally witnessed an abortion procedure for the first time. She was so horrified by what she saw that she joined the Coalition for Life. How interesting is that? This is a woman who clearly knew what she was getting into when she took that job and, I'm assuming, was in favor of abortion until she actually saw one being performed. I can't wait to read her story.

I have a personal interest in this topic because I volunteer with the Christian Life Home, which is an organization in Raleigh, North Carolina that offers support and housing to young girls and women facing unplanned pregnancies. I firmly believe that parents and the community have the responsibility for educating young people in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies, young women have the ultimate responsibility for preventing pregnancy in their own lives, and that once an unplanned pregnancy has occurred, it is the mother's responsibility to see it through. Making a mistake doesn't give you the right to take someone else's life.

The argument most people give for a woman's right to have an abortion is that life doesn't begin until birth, or the third trimester, or whatever arbitrary deadline they set. But if that's true and the only thing an abortion destroys is some parasitic tissue growing inside a woman's body, why was Abby's mind completely changed by her contact with the procedure? I have not yet read the book and so I can't answer this question myself, but clearly she saw something that opened her eyes to the crime that is committed every time a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy.

There are women in my life about whom I care deeply who have had abortions, and I don't believe that people who are pro-choice are evil. I simply believe they are blind to the fact that abortion is wrong. If they truly saw it as an injustice and a morally reprehensible act, they wouldn't support it.

Craving Grace

Last summer I participated in the Tyndale House Summer Reading Program. One of the books I read still stands out:

~Craving Grace~
One of the best Tyndale books I've read  was Craving Grace by Lisa Velthouse. This second book by the author of Saving My First Kiss is a memoir about finding God's grace where you least expect it.

Velthouse is a young woman whose heart is in the right place but seems to have enormous trouble finding happiness. Throughout the book she strives for Christian perfection, professional perfection and a relationship with a man that lasts beyond the second date. The format of the book is at times confusing since her story jumps back and forth in time. Each chapter is appropriately labeled, but the reader can still easily get lost among the many similar emotions and situations Velthouse describes over the three year period the book covers.

I found Velthouse endearingly and charmingly flawed. At times I wanted very much to meet this woman who holds herself to such impossibly high standards. She makes me want to comfort her. Readers will want to place a hand on her shoulder and say, "Relax."

By the end of Craving Grace, most people will be so fond of Velthouse that the hint of a possible romantic interest towards the end of the book will have them cheering.


When I finished reading this book, I loaned it to a young girl who was going through a very difficult period in her life in the hope that the author's struggles would show her that everyone makes bad decisions, but that doesn't hold you back from making better ones in the future.

Uncommon: A Book Review Haiku

Uncommon finds truth
in lives lived well, paths straightened.
God and football themes.

Uncommon by Tony Dungy is a book aimed at helping men and boys be the best they can, but most of its lessons apply with equal simplicity and depth to anyone who cares to read it. Dungy draws on the lessons learned coaching professional football and seeing what effect a life of privilege can have without a strong moral compass.

The Constantine Codex

The Constantine Codex is one of the most dreadful books I've read in quite a while. The plot would have been fascinating in the hands of a more skilled author. But Paul L. Maier manages to squeeze all the entertainment out of the story with his insipid dialogue.

The two main characters are a married couple--Jon, a Harvard professor and Shannon, an archaeologist--who talk to each other in bad jokes and long-winded explanations of things both of them should already know. Maier is clearly trying to get his readers up to speed on all the history they need to know in order to understand the story, but he doesn't seem to understand that not all factual information has to come out of a character's mouth. A few well-placed paragraphs of historical background would do wonders. Instead, readers will start to wonder how the main characters manage to hold down such prestigious jobs when they are clearly both morons. Jon and Shannon spend page after page trading information back and forth that should be so obvious to them that it need not be stated.

It would be like having the following conversation with your spouse:

Husband: I'm hungry, love of my life. What's that thing called where you combine bread and meat?
Wife: I believe you're thinking of the sandwich.
Husband: I think you're right! Did you know bread is considered a carbohydrate?
Wife: That's right! How could I have forgotten?
Husband: There, there. We can't all be as brilliant as I am...now does the bread go on the inside or the outside?

I'm only exaggerating very slightly. Read the book for yourself if you don't believe me, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Craving Grace

Craving Grace is the second book by Lisa Velhouse, author of Saving My First Kiss. Velthouse takes readers through about three years of her life in this memoir and details her attempts to find Christian perfection, professional perfection, and a relationship that lasts longer than the second date.

The chapters jump back and forth in time and, though well labeled, are still likely to leave the reader confused by all the similar emotions and situations described again and again. Velthouse's thoughts also jump around quite a bit, but not in a displeasing way. Her style is personable and endearing.

I found myself wanting very much to meet this charmingly flawed young woman who strives so hard to be so many wonderful things. By the end of the story, readers with any heart will find themselves silently cheering at the hint of romantic success in Velthouse's future.

Left Behind

Left Behind. What to say? I'd heard of it, of course. My opinion was as yet unformed when I picked up the book, which is for the best. My only concrete thought was 'Why is there a Christian book about all the people who failed at being Christians? Why do we want to hear their story?'

But it turns out the whole idea of the book is that the people who missed their chance to follow Jesus before the Rapture begin to search for answers. Many of them become devout Christians after seeing Biblical prophecy come to life. So, the story itself if intriguing and well thought out.

However, the writing itself leaves something to be desired. The authors seem to have no idea how college students talk, leaving one of the main characters (college student Chloe) sounding stilted and even ridiculous at times. Most of the characters aren't terribly interesting. The aforementioned Chloe is probably the most compelling and charming, but the strange dialogue she's given drains some of her credibility as a character.

Some characters are completely one-dimensional, almost painfully so. Flight attendant Hattie Durham is depicted as a morally inept girl whose shallowness is pointed out so many times, readers may begin to suspect the authors aren't sure we've gotten it.

Overall, Left Behind turned out to be a decent read. The plot became fairly interesting in the last quarter of the book and I don't regret having read it. Not exactly great praise, but more than I can say for some books. I may read more of the series at some point, but I don't feel any great need to find out what happens to these people.

Scars of a Chef

Rick Tramonto has lived a pretty exciting life, as chronicled in Scars of a Chef. Rick's father was jailed for embezzling from the Union he worked for. His mother was an unstable, violent woman who sometimes terrified her son without ever laying a hand on him. Rick's behavior sent him spiraling down the school system as he was sent to ever-worsening high schools in an effort to straighten him out. Eventually he dropped out. To escape from the chaos of his life, he threw himself into drugs and cooking.

He worked his way up from a cook at Wendy's to his own acclaimed restaurants. Along the way he lost himself too often in drugs and partying or just working too many hours a day. He floundered for years, sometimes gravitating toward Christianity, but always delving again into self-destruction and the pursuit of culinary skill over all else.

When Rick finally found something to truly bring him comfort and peace, he gave himself over to it with the same single-minded focus he had previously directed at cooking. He had finally established a relationship with God. Now, Rick balances his love of food with his devotion to Christ. He and his family attend church several times a week and Rick turns to prayer instead of drugs.

Rick Tramonto's story is very readable and it's easy to see that his new-found inner peace has now healed over much of a past that would drag some people down forever. His journey to maturity has been full of potholes, mostly of his own creation. But the basic message of Scars of a Chef is that if someone like Rick can salvage a life marked by family problems and personal darkness, anyone can find their way to success and spirituality.

Inside the Revolution

Joel C. Rosenberg has pulled together an enormous amount of information to create his book Inside the Revolution: How the Followers of Jihad, Jefferson & Jesus Are Battling to Dominate the Middle East and Transform the World. But while the book is interesting and packed with information, it's not very cohesive.


Revolution is a seemingly interminable litany of political facts and religious miracles. If the information had been handled better, it might have made for a more satisfactory read. Part of the problem is that, as Rosenberg points out, he is showing us a side of the Middle East conflict we don't often hear about. We don't get too many news stories about former Muslims who are now wholeheartedly and enthusiastically Christian. As a result, Rosenberg has to provide his own background information. This task is undertaken with so much energy that the reader is left drowning in a sea of tidbits, dates, and backstory.


Rosenberg's own stance on Islam is never made clear. He has dear friends who are Muslims, but he indicates that their peaceful interpretation of Islam is admirable, but possibly misguided. It appears that he would like to see Muslims convert not only because he personally believes in the salvation Jesus offers, but also because he sees Islam as a religion that easily leads people to hatred and violence against their enemies.


In Revolution, we are told that Christianity is becoming wildly popular in the Middle East because its message of loving enemies and friends alike is the polar opposite of Islam's exhausting message of Jihad and conquest. Christianity is said to appeal to Muslims who are tired of being told to hate and retaliate.


Despite the many fascinating stories of almost instantaneous conversion, the reader is left wondering how widespread the changes really are. Statistics in the book point toward the possibility that in the foreseeable future, Christianity could become the dominant religion of the Middle East. But the information seems anecdotal at best, considering that many of the converts can't admit to their beliefs publicly without fear of violence. Rosenberg ties in so much information that in the end it seems a blur of shifting alliances and hidden agendas, which for many Americans, it already is.

While the World Watched

While the World Watched, by Carolyn Maull McKinstry, is the story of the author's remarkable experiences during the Civil Rights movement. Her march under the leadership of Martin Luther King and her later experiences as a speaker about the fight for racial equality pale in comparison to the place in history she never asked for.

On a Sunday morning in September, 1963, Carolyn stuck her head into the girl's bathroom at the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama. After chatting for a moment with the girls inside, including her best friend, she continued with her usual task of compiling Sunday School reports. If she had stayed in the room three minutes longer, she would likely have shared the fate of her friends. Local men had planted a bomb which went off shortly before worship was to begin that day, killing the four girls Carolyn had just been talking to. Another girl, farther away from the blast, was blinded and badly injured.

For years, Carolyn was haunted by survivor's guilt, something no one talked about in the 1960s. She grew to adulthood shadowed by the deaths of her friends and convinced she would one day be killed by the same hate-filled people who were continuing to plant bombs in homes and businesses around town. Any black citizen who stepped beyond the accepted limits could expect delivery of a bomb, a beating, or a fire in short order. Authorities did little or nothing to discourage these crimes. Even if a suspect was arrested, the all-white jury often found them not guilty despite overwhelming evidence.

When Carolyn reached adulthood, she found herself descending into a depression she didn't understand. Having been discouraged from talking about the violence around her and the people she had lost, she wasn't aware of the effect that years of terror and silent grief had had upon her. She hit rock bottom (or as close to rock bottom as someone with a loving family and supportive husband can) and then turned her life around. She went from drinking all day to divinity school. Since then she has devoted her life to speaking to others around the world about God and about racial conflicts that still continue.
~
While the World Watched is not a polished book. It reads like a journal, or a personal message written to be shared with a daughter or granddaughter. McKinstry's words are interspersed with excerpts from Martin Luther King's speeches and letters. King spoke at Sixteenth Street Baptist and had a profound effect on McKinstry. His words give shape and context to the story of a young girl's struggle to find justice and peace in a world that often lacks any.

Tyndale

Tyndale House has a great summer reading program in place. I've joined and started reading their books, which means I'm also working my way toward FREE books. Just read 5 of their books and post about them online. For each five 5 you read and review, you earn a free book. There's quite a list to choose from, both fiction and non-fiction.

Click here to check it out and join.

Let me know if you join--I'd love to hear what you think of the books.