Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard

I was perusing books on the Tyndale Publishing site when I found this one.  There were Reader Reward points burning a hole in my pocket and Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard caught my eye.  I vaguely remembered the scandal: mega preacher caught in homosexual, drug fueled affair.  Or something like that.

So why did his wife stay with him?  What did she go through and what could she teach us?

Like a lot of people, when I hear that a spiritual leader has "fallen" I dismiss them.  They must have turned their back on their faith.  How else could they have screwed up so badly?  And for some of them that is probably true.  But what I forget when passing those judgments is that people are weak.  People are...human.

Gayle doesn't go into much detail about what Ted actually did and that's not really the point of this book anyway.  She stresses that she knows the full truth and that the stories in the press were exaggerated.

This book and the Haggards' experiences were really eye opening for me.  If the events are true, and I do tend to believe Gayle's representation of what they went through, then this is the story of a church's failure.

Christianity is about love and forgiveness.  And despite the fact that Ted was evidently repentant, apologetic, and willing to make amends as much as possible, the church he founded turned him out.  Not the congregation, necessarily, but definitely the church leadership and their council of "Restorers".  The Restorers were well respected men from various churches who were supposed to guide the Haggards during a time of prayer, therapy, and reflection.  The ultimate goal was to "restore" them to the church.  But there was never any progress.  Ted and Gayle were directed to avoid all contact with their friends from church and had their every move and even their counseling sessions monitored by the Restorers.

New Life Church, their home for so many years, was not accessible to them anymore.  They were even forced to move out of state for a time.  All these stipulations were laid out in contracts they had to sign if they were to have any hope of being allowed back at the church, even just as congregants.

I don't know anything about Gayle other than what I read in this book, but she seems like a very kind woman who went through a terrible experience.  She has survived and found a new strength in her improved marriage and tight knit family.  Her story is heartbreaking at times but her depth of faith and love is impressive.  She (with the help of Angela Hunt) tells her story without pulling any punches regarding the hurt and disappointment experienced at the hands of the former friends who were so heartless or simply unresponsive during the scandal and the aftermath.  But she never once comes across as bitter or judgmental.

Why she stayed is clear early on and the bulk of the book is really the story of what they experienced as a couple during the years following Ted privately renouncing his path of sin and the scandal becoming public.

If you're curious, she stayed because
1) she loves her husband
2) Christianity requires us to forgive those who hurt us and try to help those who are struggling
3) and most importantly, her husband did everything he could to prove to her she could trust him again including apologies, repentance, providing any details she asked for, and attending hours of counseling and therapy to mend their relationship and help him understand why he found himself making such hurtful choices that went against the life he'd chosen.

Not everyone would agree with Gayle's decision to stay but hearing how she navigated the crisis and the myriad experiences she had with family, friends, and complete strangers who retreated or approached her with support during that time is terribly interesting and ultimately uplifting.

Activation by Adam Gellert

I just recently got back into the free review copy game. In other words, I've been entering to win free books through Goodreads.com. Earlier this week I received a copy of Activation by Adam Gellert.

Christian books can be hit or miss and I'm picky about what I choose to read. The description was:

     "When God decides to activate and transform your life, amazing adventures await. Join Adam Gellert and his family on a journey of incredible revelations and discoveries, and see how God desires to reveal His true nature to all of us, His children. Are you ready for your ACTIVATION?

Winner of the 2016 Henri Christian Literary Award for Best Non-Fiction!"

So I decided it sounded pretty good, even though it seemed to be some kind of self-help book. I can count the number of self-help books I've read on one hand, thanks to that book I read on improving your digital math. (Get it, digital math?  Ha!) But I try to keep an open mind. And it turns out that this isn't actually a self-help book, which is a good start. It's simply the story of a man's developing interactions with God.

Activation has something else going for it. Christian authors are usually earnest, positive people. But their writing and editing skills sometimes leave something to be desired. I don't know why that is. Maybe the excitement of getting the book to the presses and getting their word out there leads to a rushed job. Gellert, however, is a pretty decent writer. The grammar is not always flawless and I noticed what appeared to be a typo, but overall this is some solid work.

As an author, Gellert's voice is engaging and encouraging. There's no holier than thou patronizing here. He is straightforward with the reader when it comes to times he has under performed in his faith and tells us over and over that we shouldn't sell ourselves short. The book also flows nicely, which makes it a quick read. The Activation Application section at the back boils each chapter down to a few concise and thought-provoking questions, followed by suggested scriptures.

The message I will personally take away is about prayer. I have sometimes been reluctant to pray for big, miraculous things because I know that while God hears our prayers, only He knows what is best for us. Most of the time, I just pray for God to guide the situation and help me toward the best outcome. But the feeling I got from reading Adam Gellert's personal story is that you should absolutely ask for outrageous things. Why? Because God loves each of us and wants what is best for us. Things WILL NOT always work out the way you want because God may have plans to use what seems like a tragedy for ultimate good. And as long as you accept whatever God's answer is, you should never be afraid to go to Him and ask.

~~~I received a free copy of this book through a Goodreads Giveaway~~~

The Boy Who Didn't Die...No, Not Harry Potter

Yesterday I found out that Alex Malarkey (heck of a last name) has issued a statement that his memoir, The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven, is completely made up. As a young boy, Alex was in a devastating car crash with his father and is paralyzed to this day. Now, as a sixteen-year-old, he admits that his story about visiting heaven and meeting Jesus during his time in a coma is fictitious. The coma and accident were real, just not the journey.

This does not come as a total shock, but I'm a bit disappointed because I read Alex's book and while I did find it hard to believe, it was certainly spiritually uplifting. If nothing else, I felt it to be the story of a boy whose faith strengthened his family during a horrific time.

But now Alex says guilt has driven him to make this new message heard. He fabricated his lies because he wanted attention and boy did he get it. The book is a bestseller, but the Christian publisher who put it out is pulling it now that the truth is public. The waters are a little murky as to how long they have known about Alex's change of heart. His mother says the family has been trying to tell people for years that the book is not what it seems.

The Malarkey family still has faith and Alex was brave to set the record straight. In his public statement, he urges people to read the Bible and trust in it rather than seeking proof from stories like his. Some will see this new development in his story as evidence that God and Heaven are not real, but neither the book nor its subsequent exposure as fiction should have an effect on anyone who truly has faith.

If I tell everyone I saw an albino deer in my yard and later admit I made it up, that doesn't mean albino deer don't exist.

Upon looking back at my previous review of this book, which you can read here, I was pretty skeptical at the time. I think my original feelings about the book were mostly driven by the fact that Alex was so young and so many people were swallowing his story wholesale. Turns out I have pretty good sense sometimes.

Unplanned

I just made one of my rare visits to Twitter (where you should follow @JustNotMyTypee) and came across a tweet from Tyndale House Publishers about a free ebook. I have enjoyed many books from them in the past, so I clicked on the link to check it out. But what caught my attention as soon as I reached the site was a different book.

Staring out at me from the cover of a book called Unplanned was Abby Johnson. I'm not sure if it was the title of the book or her face that drew me in first. She just looks nice and she looks like she has a story to tell.

It turns out Abby used to be the director of a Planned Parenthood clinic until she personally witnessed an abortion procedure for the first time. She was so horrified by what she saw that she joined the Coalition for Life. How interesting is that? This is a woman who clearly knew what she was getting into when she took that job and, I'm assuming, was in favor of abortion until she actually saw one being performed. I can't wait to read her story.

I have a personal interest in this topic because I volunteer with the Christian Life Home, which is an organization in Raleigh, North Carolina that offers support and housing to young girls and women facing unplanned pregnancies. I firmly believe that parents and the community have the responsibility for educating young people in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies, young women have the ultimate responsibility for preventing pregnancy in their own lives, and that once an unplanned pregnancy has occurred, it is the mother's responsibility to see it through. Making a mistake doesn't give you the right to take someone else's life.

The argument most people give for a woman's right to have an abortion is that life doesn't begin until birth, or the third trimester, or whatever arbitrary deadline they set. But if that's true and the only thing an abortion destroys is some parasitic tissue growing inside a woman's body, why was Abby's mind completely changed by her contact with the procedure? I have not yet read the book and so I can't answer this question myself, but clearly she saw something that opened her eyes to the crime that is committed every time a woman chooses to terminate a pregnancy.

There are women in my life about whom I care deeply who have had abortions, and I don't believe that people who are pro-choice are evil. I simply believe they are blind to the fact that abortion is wrong. If they truly saw it as an injustice and a morally reprehensible act, they wouldn't support it.